(Source: nakedly, via mrs-lovecraft)

Dear Future Daughter:

1) When you’re at some party, chain smoking on the roof with some strange girl with blue hair and exorbitant large dark eyes, ask her about her day. I promise you, you won’t regret it. Often times you’ll find the strangest of people have the most captivating of stories to tell.

2) Please, never mistake desire for love. Love will engulf your soul, whilst desire will emerge as acid, slowly making it’s way through your veins, gradually burning you from the inside out.

3) No one is going to fucking save you, anything you’ve read or heard otherwise is bullshit.

4) One day a boy is going to come along who’s touch feels like fire and who’s words taste like vanilla, when he leaves you, you will want to die. If you know anything at all, know that it is only temporary.

5) Your mental health comes before school baby, always. If its midnight, and you have an exam the next day but your hands have been shaking for the past hour and a half and you’re not so sure you want to be alive anymore, pull out that carton of Ben and Jerry’s and afterwards, go the fuck to bed. So what if you get a 68% on the exam the next day? You took care of yourself and at the end of the day that will always come before a high test score. To hell with anyone who tells you differently.

Abbie Nielsen  (via loav)

(Source: passionandcoffeestains, via theblackheiress)

The Ghost of Summers Past

I graduate tomorrow and just the thought of walking across the stage in front of all of those people freaks me out. But that’s not the only reason why I’m stressing lately.

Ryan’s best childhood friend who lives on the west coast and is home on leave wants to have a get together and meet me.

I am all for that. Except for the fact that Chase will also be there.

I vowed to never see him again. Looking back, I am extremely mortified about how things ended. I was still rebounding from T and he was still rebounding from a broken engagement.

We both used each other, but for the opposite reasons. He wanted fun and no attachments. I wanted a lasting commitment.

I know that, should Ryan and I stay together, I might have to face him eventually. And even though I no longer have any feelings for Chase (apart for hate: I hate how he treated me and that he still treats other women that way), I don’t want to confront him or those feelings.

That may seem petty, childish or even cowardly, but I am an emotional person. And facing him and all of those emotions while also trying to give my best first impression to Ryan’s best friend and his wife is not the best plan. 

I had a dream a few months ago that Ryan and I got married and Chase wedding crashed. Ryan and I got up to make speeches as he was hitting on my bridesmaids. I called him out in front of all the guests and said something to the extent of thanks for being a complete affront to woman-kind and Ryan’s childhood friend, thanks for introducing us.

I could, essentially, say that to him, should I see him on Sunday, but I’m not sure if, at this point in my life, I could handle being that kind to him.

I’m normally the kind of person to forgive and forget and I rarely hold grudges. But this is an unusual case. 

I don’t want this to let my really great weekend (graduation, my brother coming home on leave, Christmas, etc…) become an awful weekend. 


Everything you love is here


Everything you love is here

Best and Worst of the Day

Taking a note out of Dan Patrick’s book and gonna start (trying) to do something like this from now on.

Worst: Admitted to my supervisor that I know nothing about cars so he duped me into believing my car had a fake part. I then preceded to drive to Auto Zone where I realized that part does not exist. Awkward, embarrassing, and I feel totally stupid. 

Best: I’ve always known I wanted to write a book someday, and today, I think I came up with a pretty decent idea. Now, let’s see if I can actually make it happen (and actually wait to work on it after finals).

As the saying goes…

I really need to start living my blog title.

Que Sera, Sera.

What will be, will be.

I really need to stop worrying about everything so much. About finals, about getting a job, about getting married, about my family, about how the interview went, whatever.

I stress too much. I worry all the time and dread the future. It’s really no way to live. I need to be positive. 

Read More

College Prep: Friendships Aren't For Ever

This is probably one of my most favorite blogs. I check it religiously, even though I can’t afford half of the things Carly blogs about and I’ve never been to New York. 

But this post seriously hit home for me. It’s a guest post and Maxie says it better than I ever could.

So read that and then read this:

Friends from my past: I’m sorry we lost touch or are no longer friends for whatever reason. 

Current friends: I love you 

Internet friends: I’ve lost touch with most of you, and I am so, so sorry about that. But please remember I am always here if you ever need me. I love you all so much (and some times more than my real life friends - please don’t tell them that :) )

Well…that was…interesting.

That phone interview…yeah, it lasted 7 minutes and they only asked me ONE question. 

Not sure if that’s good or bad….

Also, they said they’re not going to make a decision until the END OF DECEMBER! IT’S THE BEGINNING OF NOVEMBER!


That’s what I get, I guess. Just have to hope for the best.

Phone interview next Friday with a major league club and now I’m stressing out. 

I’ve been emailing with the hiring manager today and he seems friendly. But I’ve never had a phone interview before, and, should I get this gig (I don’t want to jinx myself), I’d have to move away from Ryan, quit the internship I have now, the high paying part-time job I have, and live with my step-dad’s family, who I hardly know.

We’ll see how this goes. I’m extremely hopeful, but extremely nervous and panicky at the same time.

Times, they are a-changin……or will be very, very soon…

I got home from my internship yesterday and I realized I am very comfortable and very happy with my life as it is right now.

I live with my boyfriend and we have a very happy relationship, I have a nice part time job that pays very well (though I get tired of it sometimes, I know I can’t complain, since there are plenty of people still looking for a job), I have an internship and even though it’s unpaid, I love the people I work with and I always have fun when I’m there. I am in classes I like and am interested in (for the most part - this gen ed. sucks, but if I don’t take it, I can’t graduate!), and I’m very happy and comfortable with my life.

But now that I’m graduating in December, I’m going to have to start paying back student loans soon. But my lack of experience in my field makes me worry if I can get a job sooner rather than later. Do I try to find another internship? Do I apply for jobs now, hoping I’ll find something by the time I graduate? I wish someone could tell me what to do.

Just thinking about this makes me start having a panic attack. I looked up jobs with a salary the other day, and just something about having a job with a salary (I’ve only ever had a job with a weekly or bimonthly paycheck) made me freak out. 

These next three-four months should be…interesting, to say the least.